Katherine Gunther of Lebanon Indiana is a Wiccan. And as a Wiccan, dear old Katherine decided to perform a good luck ritual in a cemetery in Lebanon. It was during this ceremony that involves the use of swords, candles and incense that Katherine stabbed herself in the foot. She was aiming at the ground, but her foot got in the way.

And the reason that Katherine was performing this good luck ritual? It was to give thanks to the good luck that she had been having recently. Makes me wonder if there is a bad luck ritual.

I’m sure there are some morons out there that will try and duplicate what these two idiots did. In what I’m sure is a lesson to all who drink too much, you don’t want to pass out when you are around your “friends”. You never know what they will do. Maybe set your nuts on fire.

Are you gonna have a good time?

I hope so, considering you are at wrestling camp today. And let’s see… It’s going to be in the mid 80′s and the gym is not air conditioned? I say that’s a good place to spend your birthday.

We all love you.

Happy 17′th Birthday, Steve.

I have it made. Marilyn loves me so much. Every morning she makes me coffee and has it ready when I wake up. If I’m not working that day, all I need to do is just push the start button on the coffee maker. She does not drink coffee (hates the stuff), but she makes a real good pot of coffee.
This morning when I got up, there was a note by the coffee maker “Just Push Start”.

So I did.

After about a 5 minute brew time, I’m pretty well jonesing for some coffee. I went back into the kitchen, and got my coffee cup. I grabbed the coffee pot and started to pour my coffee.

Hmmm. This looks a little different. It looks very weak. What? It’s just water. O great, the damn coffee maker is broke. If you have to have coffee in the morning before you can function you know that this is the end of the world when a coffee maker breaks.

I open the top of the coffee maker to see if I can see anything wrong.

O Crap.

There’s no coffee in the top. You can’t make coffee with no coffee grounds. All you get is hot water. And that is what I got.

I call Marilyn, thinking that maybe she’s pulling a joke on me this morning. She told me that she “forgot”, but I’m thinking that she wanted to start out the morning on a fun note.

Now you have someone to blame for your laziness. Your parents. It seems that your desire for afternoon napping, and watching re-runs of I Love Lucy all day long whilst everyone else is scurrying around you are in your family genes.

Instead of blaming yourself for your sloothness, it’s nice to know that you now have a scientific reason to blame someone else.

Now that you’re an adult, you can look forward to bills, mortgage, car payment, insurance, marriage, kids, and me turning out to be exactly like Grandpa.

How’s it feel to finally be an adult?

Yea, I thought so. I know how you feel.

We love you anyway.

Happy 18′th Birthday.

In keeping up with the theme that was started with the watermelon post, we now have a study out of the American Journal of Medicine about the frequency of sex and erectile dysfunction.

The study concludes:

Regular intercourse protects against the development of erectile dysfunction among men aged 55 to 75 years. This may have an impact on general health and quality of life; therefore, doctors should support patients’ sexual activity.

I guess the key to happiness when you get older is to eat lots of watermelon and have frequent sex. And here I always thought it was money.

In a sure sign that someone is taking global warming to heights beyond rational thinking, scientists in Argentina are strapping plastic bags to the backs of cows to caputure their “emissions”. Or in common non-scientific speak, their farts. In what I’m sure will upset anyone associated with PETA, the scientists stick a tub up the cows ass. The tube in turn is attached to a bag that is mounted on to the cows back.

Since methane is lighter then air, and the cows can emit up to 1000 liters a day in farts, would it be possible for Bessy to get airborne? I know I would not want to be standing underneath one if they did. Gives a whole new meaning to cow patty.

These 3 winners were so desperate for some action that they dug up a recently deceased girl and had sex. Initially, they were charged with attempted sexual assault, however since the law in Wisconsin was vague, the charges were eventually overturned. However the Wisconsin Supreme Court recently ruled otherwise.

What kills me is this:

Armed with shovels, a crowbar and a box of condoms, the men went to a cemetery in Cassville in southwestern Wisconsin in 2006 to remove the body of a 20-year-old woman killed the week before in a motorcycle crash, police said.

A box of condoms? WTF. What they hell were they worred about? Getting her pregnant?

I’m really not making this stuff up folks.

Come back in 30 years, and I’ll let you know if this is true.

Men and women in their early seventies are having sex more often and enjoying it more than their counterparts three and four decades ago, according to a Swedish study published Wednesday.

I’m thinking maybe they’ve had too much watermelon.

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