May

22

23 years ago today …

Posted On May 22, 2008 | Filed Under Memoir

I got a call from my ex girlfriend while I was at work at Chucks Shoe Repair. It was about 2 in the afternoon, and I had been at work for about an hour. I normally answer the phone, but I was working at the heel machine putting heels on a pair of wing tips. Since Domingo was the closest and he picked up the phone.

Domingo yelled “Hey Mark, some chick is on the phone for you. Say’s it’s important”.

I yelled back that I would be there in a minute, that I was finishing up on the right shoe.

The phone is towards the front of the store and the heeling machine is in the opposite corner of the store. In order to get to the phone from where I was, I had to walk right past Chuck and Domingo.

As I was walking past Domingo, he said “Doesn’t sound like that blond girlfriend you have. You sleeping around with someone else?”

Chuck looked at Domingo and then at me and said “You better not. She’s a nice girl. You still coming over on Saturday and bringing her with you? Were going to be making some homemade sausage, and were going to have a cake for Andrea’s birthday”.

“Yes, were coming over. And no I’m not sleeping around”, I said. It was Andrea’s 18′th birthday tomorrow, and Chuck said that he would let us have a few beers to celebrate.

I picked up the phone, one of those old black handset’s that made it feel like you were talking into a brick.

“Hello, this is Mark”.

“Hello Mark, this is Michelle”.

Michelle. Someone that I had not seen in a while. Or should I say that I wished I had not seen in a while. I saw her at school almost everyday, up to several months ago. She was in the same class with me and set a few seats behind me. Always wore that band jacket.

“Yea, what do you want”, I said.

“I’m in the hospital”.

“What, you dying or something”.

I was never really nice to her since we broke up in August before our senior year. My friends called her my Psycho Bitch ex-Girlfriend. She was somewhat psycho there for a while after we broke up. Guess that happens when you’ve been dating someone for 3 years, and then they dump you for a freshman.

“No.”, she said. “I had a baby.”

“You had a what?”

“I had a baby, and it’s yours”.

At that moment my world just collapsed. I was 18, and my ex girlfriend just told me that she had a baby.

Domingo looked at me and said “Hey, you OK?”

I didn’t answer. I just stood there. You supposed to be happy when you have a baby. It’s the happiest day of your life. Passing out cigars to all your friends. Telling anyone that comes by that “I just had a baby!” But instead, I just stood there.

For god’s sake, I just saw her a couple of weeks agou. She didn’t look pregnant. She looked normal. How could she have had a baby. She didn’t have one. She’s just fucking with me. Getting back at me for some unknown shit she thought I did to her.

“Ok, your kidding with me right? You were never pregnant. Why are you fucking with me like this?”

“No, I’m not kidding.”, Michelle said. “Not about this. I was having cramps last night, and got up to go to the bathroom. I had her in the bathroom. “

“Her?”

“Yes Mark. You have a daughter. She was born at 3 this morning.” Michelle went on, “Look, we can talk all you want back and forth, but if you really want to find out, come to Lutheran Hospital.”

“Ok, I will. I’ll be there as soon as I can”.

I hung up the phone and sat down. I hadn’t realized it, but Chuck and Domingo had stopped working and were listening to my end of the conversation. By the look on my face and the words that came out of my mouth (”pregnant”, “fucking”) they naturally assumed that that was not a normal conversation.

“You want to tell me about it?”, Chuck said.

“You remember that crazy girlfriend that I told you about?” I said.

“Yea, Michelle. Was that who was on the phone?”

“Yes. She had a baby last night, well this morning really”.

“And you believe her?”, Domingo said.

“She said that she’s at Lutheran Hospital, and for me to come on down and see for myself.”

“I think you should go now then.”, Chuck said. “We can handle it the rest of the day. Take off and go find out.”

“Oh fuck, what if it’s really true?” I said to Chuck, “What the hell am I going to do? What am I going to tell my Mom? What am I going to tell Andrea? ‘Hey Andrea, my ex-girlfriend just had a baby, and it’s mine’. Like that’s going to go over well.”

Domingo said, “How do you know it’s even yours? You said this girl is psycho, maybe she’s pulling a fast one on you. When’s the last time you did anything with her?”

“August”, I said.

Domingo started counting out the months, “August, September, October”, putting up fingers as he went, “April, May”.

Domingo held up 9 fingers, letting out a half-hearted laugh, “Man, your fucked.”

“it’s not funny, Domingo. My ex girlfriend just called and told me that she had a baby and you think it’s funny”. I never really got mad a Domingo, so this was a first for me. But crap, he was making fun of the situation, and it made me mad.

“Why don’t you just go, Mark. Domingo is not making fun of the situation, right Domingo?”, Chuck said.

“Yea, man I’m sorry. We’ll take care of things. Go and find out what’s going on”.

I hung up my smock and went out the back door.

The trip to the hospital was pretty much a blur. I had so much going through my head that I really don’t remember the 20 minute trip. I’m surprised that I did not hit anything, or anyone, for that matter. I can remember thinking that I’ll never have sex again. That would not last even a week.

The walk to Michelle’s room had to be the longest walk of my life. In the entrance, take a left. Down the hall past the gift shop. I stopped for a moment and thought about getting a card. I’m not sure why I had that thought.

Michelle’s room was on the left, just past the “Maternity ward” sign. I could see that the door was open as I came up to it. I slowed down and stopped in the doorway, looking in.

“You can come in. You don’t need to just stand there”, Michelle said.

Michelle was sitting up in bed with her head turned to the right looking at me. “Did you hear me? I said that you can come in.”

I walked slowly into the room, not really believing that I was there, that Michelle was there. I could see that Michelle was cradling something in her left arm. She was holding a baby. As I got closer to the side of the bed, she looked down at the baby and said to me, “Would you like to hold her?”

“Um, yea, I guess”

“Your not going to break her, here”, she said as she handed her to me.

This was my baby. I knew it the moment that first held her. I did not need Michelle to tell me that. It’s something that every parent who has held their child the first time experiences. You know. You just know.

“I named her Margaret, ” Michelle said, “after my grandmother. I’m calling her Madge.”

“Madge?”

“Well do you have any other name in mind?”

God, I did not think of that. I mean I woke up this morning thinking about graduation, Andrea’s birthday, beating Mr. Certain in euchre. I did not think “Hmm.. What should I name my daughter”.

“i can’t think of anything at the moment. Hi Madge”, I said.

She was all wrapped up in a blue blanket, looking like a cocoon. I removed the white stocking cap that she was wearing. “She’s bald”, I said.

Michelle said “What little hair she has is blond. Must be from you. I was born with a full head of brown hair. No one in my family has blond hair. Didn’t you say that your Dad has blond hair?”

“Yea, my Dad’s side has blond hair. And blue eyes.”

“She’s yours Mark. I have not fooled around with anyone since we broke up. What are you doing?”

“I’m looking for the Poffenberger nick.”

All us Poffenbergers have a nick in our ear, just towards the top. Most have it on the right, but some on the left. Madge’s was on the left.

A nurse came in at that moment, and smiled as I looked up at her. “I take it your the father?”, she said. “She looks like you. If you don’t mind, I’m going to take her to the nursery so you can get some rest.” she said to Michelle.

“That’s Ok.” Michelle replied.

“Has Catholic Social Services come to visit you yet”?, the nurse said.

“Catholic Social Services?”, I asked, looking at Michelle.

“Yes, I’m going to put Madge up for adoption.”

Hold on, you mean that not more then 2 hours ago I was told I’m a father. Now I find out that the baby is being taken away?

“Adoption?” I said. “Don’t you think that you should have asked me what I wanted to do? I think we should think about this.”

Michelle said, “I can’t take care of her, and you certainly aint’ in a position to have a baby. What other option is there?”

“I don’t know, but I just found out that I have a daughter,and now you’re giving her up for adoption. Don’t I have any say in this? I would think that I could at least take a couple of days to think things through. Maybe there are other options.”

“Someone from Catholic Social Services is coming around 6. Let’s talk to them first.”, Michelle said.

“Ok, we can talk. But I don’t want to do anything yet. I need to think about all this. A lot has just happened, and I need to go and have a cigarette. I’ll come back around 5:30.”

I left the room without saying goodbye. I walked outside to my car. The weather was the same now as it was when I went in, but everything seemed different. I was different. Not more then 3 hours ago I was just a kid. Now, I’m a father.